Deals so Good They Should be Illegal, and Once Were

BUYER BEWARE: Sgt. Irving was careful to announce when an an item was damaged or missing parts

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When seen for only a few seconds through a plastic bag, it’s hard to judge the value of a diamond-studded white gold crucifix. A few people at the Virginia Beach police auction, held last Thursday in a parking lot behind the municipal center, were bold enough to try. They pushed bids on extravagant jewelry well past $500 while the other auction-goers waited to bid on electronics, clothes, DVDs, skateboards, and bicycles—with about 80 up for sale, there was nearly one for everyone in attendance.

The July police auction is known for being one of the best times to pick up a beat-up bike for cheap, but the jewelry took center stage this year. In previous years, the police sent jewelry to private auction houses, but for the sake of efficiency they added it in with the rest of the goods. Sergeant Tommy Irving started the auction with the "bling", and the majority of the crowd stood back as a few in-the-know buyers waged bidding wars. A key battle took place between two young men clad in gold jewelry of their own, and an older man sporting a big, white beard who was quick to jump in with a $200 bid, but backed down as the prices crept up.

Sgt. Irving paused at one point to say "God bless you, sir," when one of the younger men won a silver and gold, diamond-studded cross with a bid of $600. It had been valued at $4,500 by a jewelry appraiser who works with the detective’s office. That figure, along with the starting bid value, was written on a plastic bag containing the item that was paraded in front of the crowd. The winning bidders had seen the item for not more than 10 seconds before the bidding had begun.

The police department has no obligation to host the auctions, and their goal is as much to get rid of everything as it is to make money. Sgt. Irving did an impressive job of running the auction quickly and fairly, but I wondered how much the jewelry could fetch otherwise. Without detailed descriptions, it was up to the buyers to tell between silver, white gold and platinum. An employee at Helzberg Diamonds, who wished not to be named, said that a quick glance can be enough to make a smart buy on this kind of jewelry. At the very least, gold can be melted down and sold. A criminal history, he added, won’t change the value of precious metal as long as it’s purchased legally.

Federal law enforcement agencies hold their own seized property auctions, with the Drug Enforcement Agency known to have the best selection of luxury goods, including jewelry, art and boats. There were no cigarette boats up for sale in Virginia Beach (an abandoned vehicle auction is scheduled for August 25), but there was a high-quality, radio-controlled car, still in the box.

The tone of the auction became friendlier after the jewels had been unloaded. When one woman’s new bike wouldn’t fit in her car, it went for $5 to one gentleman, who then resold to a woman who said it was the only one left to fit her son. Parents frequently let their children bid. However, things turned serious again when four iPods—by far the most fiercely eyed products on the auction block—came up for sale.

The array of articles up for grabs made me wonder what crimes these items may have been connected to. A set of Titleist Golf Clubs in a Cavalier Yacht and Country Club golf bag seemed linked to a white-collar conspiracy. There was a bag of horror films that included Hostel and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, accompanied by an actual power saw. I assume the two are linked through some copycat killer’s twisted plot. Another lot of DVDs consisted of Disney classics like Lilo and Stitch and The Lion King.

What horrific crimes those movies had been a part of, I’m afraid to imagine. •